STALLED

by Raina Cowan

The seeds were planted but not sown

Our hearts ache with never knowing,

our babies never growing.

As if time stopped, our lives stalled

Waiting for due dates that never arrive,

trying out names, looking at tiny clothes, socks & shoes,

waiting for you to materialize

but you never do.

Full of sadness, engulfed with rage,

A grief unnamed, difficult to describe.

Envy in waves

as pregnant bellies sway by

A virtual parade of everything denied

Learning to live again

in a world full of mommies & daddies, babies & tots,

those who have kids & those who do not.

Still hoping for a miracle,

but then again, not.

Stuck at a fork in the road,

Unable to cross

Wiser and stronger together,

rediscovering happiness,

cultivating joy

Learning to live again

without our baby girl or boy.

Looking in a new direction,

hoping to make another’s baby our own

Taking that step with many unknowns

Waiting to take you home.